Health Risk: Can Vaccinations cause Dyslexia, Autism, Sleeping Disorders, Speech impediments, brain tumours and even increased masturbation in children?

Health Risk: Can Vaccinations cause Dyslexia, Autism, Sleeping Disorders, Speech impediments, brain tumours and even increased masturbation in children? In a world of fake news spread by social media we depend on the traditional press to present health information in a balanced way. The following report reviews a health article in Austria about vaccinations which caused a shit-storm in the German language media.

Debate about vaccinations and healthy. happy children


While you read why not listen to my album ‘Studio Valiumm‘? Here are the videos (you can also download it from iTunes using the link here):

If you have ever visited my site at you will know I try to present English language reviews of important news topics appearing in the German media (for more examples check out my Alpine Press Reports or my personal Blog).

Last week I almost fell off my seat when I discovered an article (17th February 2017) in the Austrian press portal under the heading: “Natural Health Professional warns: vaccinated children start to masturbate” (This is my rough translation from the original german title: “Heilpraktikerin warnt: Geimpfte Kinder fangen an zu masturbieren“).

Title Page from online press article at on 17th Feb 2017
Title Page from online press article at on 17th Feb 2017

The original article has been removed – presumably following official complaints to the Austrian press regulatory body. Other media are still presenting a copy of the front page as they debate the quality of the article (e.g. the Austrian newspaper – link here).

The original article quoted a Swiss Natural Medicine practitioner who, it claimed, had warned parents against vaccinating their children. Apparently this natural medicine practitioner had noticed that following vaccinations children had to cope with side effects like dyslexia, autismsleep disorders, speech impediments/stuttering, and brain tumours. The statement that particularly grabbed the headlines was that after being vaccinated children would masturbate more often.

Rather than publish a photo to illustrate this point please make do with some ‘tribal’ music (available from iTunes using the link here)

According to other press reports the article on did not attempt to give a balanced analysis of views for and against this viewpoint – this is presumably what led to the complaints and the article being withdrawn from public circulation. is well known in the German speaking world as a Boulevard or gossip/tabloid portal however many other publications felt that with this article it had reached a new low point in its professional integrity.

After doing a little more research in the German language media I discovered that the 54 year old Natural Medicine practitioner was qualified from the Homeopathy school in the Swiss town of Zug. She had shared her views with the local Toggenburger Newspaper. Roughly translated, these were: “Today I would prevent my children from having vaccinations. This is because, if nothing else, after vaccinations children can suddenly start to masturbate“.

To again avoid an inappropriate photo please enjoy the following medically themed video (also available from iTunes using the link here)

The homeopathy professional claimed this situation was an indication of the “vaccination illness” (although she did acknowledge there could be other causes of excessive masturbation and recommended these are also included in future research). If you speak German there is a video on her views in the link here. This article tried to also present the opposite view, for example, that 120,000 deaths/year resulting from measles could be prevented by vaccination.

The German Sueddeutsche Zeitung (SDZ) tried to also give a more balanced review with a typical sprinkling of Bavarian humour (they appear to enjoy having a laugh at the expense of their Austrian and Swiss neighbours). The SDZ explained that as well as masturbation there were a number of other childhood phenomena that might ‘theoretically’ also be linked to vaccinations – like:

  • the wearing of trousers or T-shirts that are too wide/too tight/too short or too long
  • the following of YouTubers
  • listening to pop music with too much/too little bass/beat/melody/guitars/keyboards/sense/meaning
  • using Headphones with the name ‘Beats’

They suggest that such traits in children should be added to masturbation in any serious study into the side-effects of vaccination.

Just in case anyone is offended by what they read on this page how about a nice video with a religious theme? (also available from iTunes using the link here)

To maintain balance the SDZ pointed out that the relationship between vaccination and masturbation had not been convincingly disproved. They reported that following a review of literature they felt they could safely claim that vaccinations in general led to children being more healthy. If they are not sick, children are more likely to enjoy the kind of things that healthy kids do like, they suggest, masturbate.

Their logic was that a child in bed suffering with measles was unlikely to be interested in masturbating whereas a child without measles would be in a better mood and therefore more inclined to have fun. So theoretically the vaccination could be held (indirectly) responsible for the child having more time to enjoy such ‘fun’ activities (the SDZ article ‘The truth about the relationship between vaccination and masturbation‘ in German is here).

Chris Duggleby

…and if you have recently had a vaccination the following will stop you getting over excited…my album ‘Electro Baroque‘ (also available on iTunes using the link here):

If you found this article interesting please consider taking a look at some of my other recent reports on similar subjects.

Just click on the titles below:

…starting with some fun related articles:

8th Mar 2016: Nano Chip Cock Ring Detects STIs – Size, Thrust, and Speed – From Penis via Smartphone to Facebook

16th Oct 2016: How to Prevent Smelly Trumps – Scientific Breakthrough in Australia – Good Carbs Mean Good Farts 

9th March 2016: Penis Ring Emergency – German Fire Fighters Rescue Man From Painful 13 Cock Ring Torture: Vorsprung durch Technik and erectile dysfunction

21st June 2015: Bio-undies: Guilt free Passion with ‘Easy Emma’ and ‘Loose Harry’and Getting Rid of Garden Snails with Rent-a-Duck

4th March 2015: Hamburg Reeperbahn (St. Pauli): Germans install walls that urinate on passers-by

17th April 2014: Niche On-line Dating Services (Specialities: Herpes, Thrush and Genital Warts)

18th August 2012: How Bavarians and Austrians use their middle fingerFingerhakeln: a men-only sport (did Arnold Schwarzenegger start training this way?).

You can also find some of my more humorous reports in the Alpine Press section of this site using the link here.

some here is some more serious stuff:

12th June 2016 Hospital Serial Killer – Super Bugs Created With Jumping Genes During Bacterial Sex

21st May 2016 Skin Cancer and Cataracts From Your Car – Poor UV Side Protection – Windows Tested From 15 Vehicle Makers

19th April 2016 Torture In The Shower – Face and Body Soap Allergies – Main Suspect: Pears Transparent Soap

3rd March 2016 Using Gene Drives To Change Mosquito Sex In Fight Against Zika, Dengue and Malaria

3rd Feb 2016 Zika Infection Spread By Sex In Dallas – Earlier Sexual Transmission In Colorado – Detailed Symptoms 

31st Jan 2016  Bed Bugs – Insecticide Resistance – Arbovirus Transmission – Zika and Microcephy

13th Jan 2016 Kill Head Lice In A Day With The Newly Developed Plasma Nitcomb From The German Fraunhofer Institute

26th July 2015 Poison in your Washing Machine: Allergic Contact Dermatitis from Laundry Detergents, Softeners, Conditioners and Whiteners

29th December 2012: Spreading diarrhea and vomit through the washing machine– The Norovirus propagator in our kitchen

…please visit again.


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